Pools of Black Ink

The worst thing about going to a show is feeling your age. The next worst thing is that everyone has dyed their hair the same color as mine. Except my hair is supposed to be black.

What is your natural hair color? Are you blond? Brunette? A strawberry blond? Will I ever find out? How do you manage to maintain your roots at all times? Do you keep an emergency repair kit in your bathroom next to the tooth paste? How is it possible that you keep your hair black infinitely? Are your pubes black too? Pubes might give you away. Do you fear being "outed"? What if an undyed secondary sex characteristic should "shed" and fall out of your pantleg, onto the rug, or cling to the toilet seat. Then it would all be over, wouldn't it? No amount of dye could fix that, I suppose.