Nerves, Pt. 1
What if TA training involved what I think it might? That is, meeting in secret and performing a special task, a task that will intitiate you into the special order of lethal TAs. And what if that task involved, "teamwork" and "networking"? And what if your moderator was a mild mannered Full House era Bob Saget.
They led us into the basement, where waiting for us was a demon of unspeakable filth. Slimy, stringy, amphibious and reptilian at the same time, claw-like hands and feet, gaping teeth the size of kitchen knives, and, of course, stronger than all of us. Our job? To slay the demon. No clues on how. Just do it, says the very Bob Saget look alikey man. Or else. Sink or swim. Well fine, I think. I'm just really not a killer. One of my colleagues, a go-getter type, leaps into the fray, and is immediately slashed to pieces. Gulp. I try to slink off into the corner and watch while the others engage the beast. This is really not at all what I had in mind for training. Why not do the usual round-table hold hands talk about our feelings feedback sharing bullshit? Come to think of it, maybe slaying this demon isn't so bad. At least it's interesting. And hey, it's nice to see everyone fighting for their lives. How often does that happen? Gross. Something slimy just landed in my lap. It's a beasty demon head. And it's still alive. Everyone's screaming at me to do something about it. Fucking great, it's a regenerative bastard. We haven't killed it. We've made more. I start thinking--that is what we're supposed to be training for right? Figuring out shit in a tight situation. Split second decision making here, and the demon head in my lap is getting pretty pissed. It's now or never. I shut my eyes and ram my fist into the nasty's skull--oh goody, it's not all brawn, it's got a goopy disgusting brain to boot. I fish it out with my fingers. Not something I thought I'd be doing today. Or ever. Demon-head gets super pissed. Why is it still alive? I have it's brains in my hands for fuck's sake. Then it comes to me. While my colleagues are busy slicing and mutilating, none of us have thought about trying to take the demon's power and using that to kill it. I saw this in a movie once. I put the now brainless demon skull over my head. Not a bad fit really. A bit loose around the ears. I can feel it's power coursing through me. I walk over to the remaining twitching demon body parts, complete with fresh grown new head, and let loose a seriously evil beating. It worked. Weird. And disgusting.
Bob Saget guy comes back and does the melodramatic solitary clapping thing, letting it echo through the cavernous basement. Yay us. Now we're ready, he says. What exactly am I supposed to be teaching here?
They led us into the basement, where waiting for us was a demon of unspeakable filth. Slimy, stringy, amphibious and reptilian at the same time, claw-like hands and feet, gaping teeth the size of kitchen knives, and, of course, stronger than all of us. Our job? To slay the demon. No clues on how. Just do it, says the very Bob Saget look alikey man. Or else. Sink or swim. Well fine, I think. I'm just really not a killer. One of my colleagues, a go-getter type, leaps into the fray, and is immediately slashed to pieces. Gulp. I try to slink off into the corner and watch while the others engage the beast. This is really not at all what I had in mind for training. Why not do the usual round-table hold hands talk about our feelings feedback sharing bullshit? Come to think of it, maybe slaying this demon isn't so bad. At least it's interesting. And hey, it's nice to see everyone fighting for their lives. How often does that happen? Gross. Something slimy just landed in my lap. It's a beasty demon head. And it's still alive. Everyone's screaming at me to do something about it. Fucking great, it's a regenerative bastard. We haven't killed it. We've made more. I start thinking--that is what we're supposed to be training for right? Figuring out shit in a tight situation. Split second decision making here, and the demon head in my lap is getting pretty pissed. It's now or never. I shut my eyes and ram my fist into the nasty's skull--oh goody, it's not all brawn, it's got a goopy disgusting brain to boot. I fish it out with my fingers. Not something I thought I'd be doing today. Or ever. Demon-head gets super pissed. Why is it still alive? I have it's brains in my hands for fuck's sake. Then it comes to me. While my colleagues are busy slicing and mutilating, none of us have thought about trying to take the demon's power and using that to kill it. I saw this in a movie once. I put the now brainless demon skull over my head. Not a bad fit really. A bit loose around the ears. I can feel it's power coursing through me. I walk over to the remaining twitching demon body parts, complete with fresh grown new head, and let loose a seriously evil beating. It worked. Weird. And disgusting.
Bob Saget guy comes back and does the melodramatic solitary clapping thing, letting it echo through the cavernous basement. Yay us. Now we're ready, he says. What exactly am I supposed to be teaching here?
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